DVD #7 - The Hip Hop Workout

When I saw what Lovefilm was sending me this week, a little part of me died inside. I am not the world's biggest hiphop fan. I find Snoop Dog, P Diddy (or whatever he's called nowadays) and the rest of them really annoying. Actually, I find the female rappers even more annoying.

My worst fears were confirmed in the opening credits when 'the crew' were introduced. I won't divulge what their names were but I'm sure you can imagine that they were most definitely from the infamous block. To be honest, most of the girls looked like they could do with a whole new wardrobe, as their clothes seemed very torn and full of inappropriate holes.

My worst fears were cemented by the fact that the workout was to be demonstrated in a garage full of blingy cars, and a lot of tyres.

My worst fears were buried six feet under as they announced the 'e z warm up' 'Kool Down' and the 'hardcore workout'.

So I did the warm up, feeling slightly more achy this morning than I generally do. It was the usual stretches and a few cardio bits and pieces, although it seemed pretty quick for a warm up.

Then onwards to the hardcore workout. And I'll tell you something; I have never heard my bones make such horrible noises. This DVD needs to come with a better health warning. Now, I don't consider myself to have any injuries or be any different fron the next person, but this video was awful. These are trained professionals, and the moves they are doing are way too fast and far too complicated. You need to have a serious level of fitness behind you already to attempt to do this video. And if you are low in self confidence then this is NOT the video for you. I've done it and I feel even worse now than I did before.

The guy who leads this video keeps telling you to smile. Whilst I just want to tell him to bugger off. He says at the start that he has split the sections into 9 minute chunks. I didn't get that. For me, it was an hour of pain. He kept saying 'We're at the top!' but I don't really understand what he meant by that.

The dancers? They whooped throughout the whole thing. It was more annoying than the looped hiphop track that passes for music these days. And whoever put the girl in bright blue trousers next to the guy in bright orange trousers needs their eyes testing. Badly.

At the end they put all the moves together and made like a hiphop music video. By this point I was so fed up of not acheiving anything and my bones cracking every two seconds that I stood there like a loser at a disco and swayed from side to side.

Don't do this video guys, you will only injure yourself. Good cardio, bad for bones.

I still maintain the Martine's Dancebody is the best dance video.

Score: 1/5. It's for professional dancers only. And I'm guessing that professional dancers don't need fitness videos.

DVD #5 - Egyptian Belly Dancing For Beginners

Well.


Well.


So.


Umm....


Belly Dancing. Yeah.

This DVD is possibly one of the worst quality transfer-to-DVD-from-VHS I've ever come across. It looks like it's been filmed on a crappy 80's camcorder.

It's presented by a nice lady called Hilary, who according to her website: is a professional. I'm sure she is, however due to the rubbish quality and the fact that Hilary was wearing black and dancing in front of a black curtain, meant I could only see her arms and her belly.

I tried to take this DVD seriously, as Hilary is obviously dedicated to her cause, and yes, as a total newbie to the whole bellydancing scene she did have some easy moves to follow, but her timing was off and sometimes she'd only remember to excercise one side. As a result my left hip is aching like hell!

Also, Hilary explains how do to a move fairly clearly but then she swooshes off around, leaving you stood there looking like a plonker wondering whether of not you should make an attempt to follow her. Not impressive, Hils.

It is definitely for beginners, and easy for everyone, so if you are after something a bit more... exhausting and fat burning then this isn't for you. This is NOT a fitness DVD, its more a technique-learning experience.

Hilary says at the beginning 'All you need is bare feet and a belly'. Not to worry Hilary, I still have all of my belly after this.

Score: 1/5. Poor quality recording, and not aimed at fitness fans, just belly flashers.